Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Videogames hate humans.

When The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim first came out i refused to buy it.

 Not because i thought it was shit, but because i believed it was way too damn good! Seriously just check out this lovely piece of graphical eye candy:

Jesus christ, this is just one section of one city in one ridiculously huge and complex game. Imagine that 10 years ago. Innovation appears to have taken us worlds away from where we once stood in terms of videogame technology. To the point where games have the ability to completely consume our minds, focus and drive.

I have owned this game now for the best part of 3 weeks and I'm not even nearly through with it (In fact i should be playing it right now) In terms of value for money (500 hours of goddamned gameplay) i almost feel as if i've cheated the company and nearly feel compelled to purchase a second copy in order to make up for the gift they have bestowed upon me (nearly). But it does beg the question: How far is too far?

If you're reading this 10 years in the future then i apologise, oh robotic overlord. But without involving myself too much in the more psychological aspects of videogaming (skinners box theory etc) i would like to suggest that videogames hate humanity.

This aptly sums up everything i just said.
Why, you ask? Nowadays games can be so time consuming and (deservedly) brilliant at destroying every last ounce of energy that you have, once a game properly takes you in, it is very easy to become hooked. Once you're hooked, you're not going to be doing much else. If you're not doing much else then who is?

Maybe not now, but it's clear to see that the industry is improving at an exponential rate that before long people aren't going to live out normal lives but prefer to live them through gaming. and why not? These worlds offer people the chance to be what they want to be and live without restrictions. Why would you even want to go to work when you can "work" virtually and make money doing it.

This is the future.

I don't mean to put a downer on life or gaming, in fact i love both. This is just what is going to happen. Don't stop playing, that would be boring. I suppose it's better to embrace the future now whilst *trying* to live in moderation (If it can work for alcohol, drugs and gambling, it can work for anything). It could make everything that much better for everyone.

Now, if you'll excuse me i am off to play some Skyrim, good day! 

Friday, 9 March 2012

You're gambling on your future!

Where does all the money go? I hear you ask?

Have you ever noticed that the more money you earn the faster you spend it? Even if you don't realise that it's going so fast? Probably not, until the only thing left in your pockets is burn marks.

If this recession gets worse, i'm going to have to wipe my arse with rubles.
I also have this problem. Money problems affect approximately 99% of the population (please don't suggest protest, it really doesn't work in first world countries, noone can be bothered.

Pictured: the 99%    

Remember, you are on the internet. If there is someone telling you there is a quick, fast, easy and/or cheap way to get money they are 100% lying. The worst thing is, even their own lies is unlikely to even make them money. It really is best to not even bother (unless you actually are a Ugandan 'peacekeeper' looking for an offshore bank account in which to place his money as it's currently unsafe, in which case yeah, spam email and figuring out how to evade spam filters probably is your best option)

Hello Western friend, i am looking for a temporary holding account and am willing to give you $100milUSD
The truth is, noone wants to give you free things. You do actually have to go about your business the hard way to actually earn money. Yes, it is a pain in the arse, but trust me, you'll be much better for it if you just put in some effort and earn what you recieve. There is no shortcut. You can sit down all day looking for free handouts but alas nothing will ever come to you (unless you live in england and recieve benefits, in which case you'll still need gratuitous amounts of children)

Thank you, Mr.Cameron.

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Passwords and remembrance

The internet.
A ridiculously full place.
A place full of ridiculous rubbish.
I feel like i've been here before.

Would you say it's easy to get lost on the internet? I sure would. A ridiculous amount of usernames and passwords, endless URL's, making it so easy to get more lost than your first trip to the top of the alps with no ski's.

Is there anything you can do about it? Why yes, yes there is. Allow me to fill your mind with some helpful tips to allow your to navigate the internet like Christopher Columbus navigated the oceans.

* Notepad is your friend *

Here's an idea. Open up a blank notepad. Good. Now save it on your desktop. Now write down every username and password you can think of there. Including email adresses, spambots, the lot! Everything you'll need to orchestrate your way around the web in one handy little place, perfect! If this is organised properly you'll never have a problem remembering anything ever again.
Virginity not included

What you would need to do is password protect this notepad. To do this you need a master password of some description. It needs to be hard to guess (That discounts pretty much the entire dictionary then.... Damn those crafty internet folk!) So your gonnna need a method to make something horrible and rememberable.
Ok, think of a weird sentence. For example: Dan always comes to poker sundays but never even wins anything, or something else personal to you. Then take the first letter of each word and make yourself a password like this : daC2psbnEwa. Notice how thats a ridiculous pile of letters? (and a number.) This will not be guessed easily, and all you have to do is remember a sentence! Throw in some caps here and there and viola, a perfect recipe for password. You're welcome.

This will not help you on poker sundays.

Monday, 14 November 2011

What to do when change drops a steaming turd on your head

Change, change, change. Everyone talks about it (especially politicians). Is it the amazing problem resolver? Can you leave everything you ever did before behind? Does it instantaneously cure all the worries and stresses of your past like an instant respawn on a first person shooter? Guigz doesn't think so. Heres what to do when you feel like giving your brand new "change" a solid stern whack with a large red paddle.
No tax breaks for you, peasants!

Well, as you may have guessed, this is in fact a change for me. Sort of like the point where i seamlessly disembark one train to smoothly transistion myself onto the next, with minimal disruptions watching everything connect perfectly into place.

Obviously, this isn't an accurate depiction of life. You can, of course, expect BOTH trains to be grotesquely overcrowded with people smelling like something from the back room of Dr.Doomstein's chemical warfare locker.
Like this, but you have to deal with people.
Despite all this, change is inevitable. It just happens. Therefore i have decided to help you to know what to do when the colloquial sh*t hits the fan:

*Never openly resent it. Why? Firstly because nobody cares, also people will assume you are in the "old fogey" model of person. This isn't a great way to win friends.... Keep shctum and get on with it.

*Never openly applaud it. Unless of course its the sort of change you actually want (which it isn't, or you wouldn't be reading this) applauding it drives it forward and gives it motion. Evidentally, this is bad.

*Stop, look, listen, live. No, this is not the green cross code. This is the change code. If you don't want to be flattened like a hedgehog in the road, you need to be able to adapt as quickly as you can whilst maintaining a steady level of observancy so that you don't rush out blind in front of a 10 wheeler truck of crap.

Nostalgia attack!

*Learn to live with it. It's not changing back. Like with facebook and all the groups made after EVERY slight alteration. NO amount of complaining is ever going to get your little text box at the bottom of your profile picture back (God how i miss it!)

*Try to manipulate it into your favour. Clearly this only works if it's something on a smaller or personal scale, but you'd be surprised at how persuadable people are if you stop and look at the scenario (read above) Speak to people individually, sway thier opinion, move onto the next. Pretty soon everyone is in your court in a manner which would never had worked had you blurted your ideas out loud for all to hear! Subtlety is key.

*Forget everything you knew about the old system. This makes things a lot easier when it comes to adapting.

Remember, change is part of us. Part of human evolution, it is an inevitable fact of life. Not something to be avoided, but to  be embraced. It's what makes us, us. Besides, who's gonna argue with a bloke with a beard THIS impressive?
Nobody, that's who.

Guigz > Mr Character

Hello, i am Guigz, previously referred to as Mr.Character.

For some of you this will be the very first blog post you've ever seen of me, for others i should appear as a notable figure and someone you actually recognise as an online bastion of truth justice and an oracle of life solving problems.
Essentially like this but more sexually attractive

This, as you would undeniably recognise me from, was indeed my previous blog Deal with life's problems, which had to suddenly retire as the format really wasn't working for me and various other reasons YOU really wouldn't understand.

Times change, so this is where base camp is located now. I have to tell you to expect much more  of the same, but this time look forward to at least 25% more hilariarity. Whilst my format will remain largely similar (In that I point out problems with life and find you a way to deal with them) one or two things will be different.

As well as this, in the last age or so i believe my knowledge and experience will rub off considerably more to help give you, the reader, a significantly better reading experience. 

Hope you enjoy

Guigz over and out

 You know it makes sense.